Conversations with God

Part I

It’s been a highly-charged past few days.

That’s the only way I know to describe it. I’m not overwhelmed, though there are circumstances in my life that would certainly cause anxiety and stress. I’m not feeling dysregulated, though in the past my nervous system wouldn’t have had the capacity to hold it all.

It’s a strange sensation of this new version of me witnessing with aplomb what the past version of me would have experienced as a hot mess.

Moxie has an infection, and adding that onto her continued ACL recovery, and my own EBV/Lyme flare, and sharing responsibilities for loved ones, and holding space for people I care about, and all the good things that have suddenly been showing up...

It’s been a lot. And I’m handling it. I just wish I didn’t have to handle it all at once.

“Isn’t it supposed to get easier?” I asked God after I hung up the phone with Moxie’s vet. “This journey, all the inner work... I thought it was supposed to get easier.”

“Says who?” He responded.

“Um, You.”

I love it when God laughs at me.

Then He told me this: No one made that promise. It might not seem easier, but you have more tools, more resources, more support. You have more peace, more capacity, more confidence. You have more knowing, more faith.

Faith. Maybe that’s what I’ve been lacking.

I think back on how I’ve led my life by my intuition, and how it has brought absolute miracles into my world--people, opportunities, experiences. I think about how deep that faith has grown, and how this weekend, all I wanted to do was spend time with God and my dog in that space.

Just God. And my dog.

And me.

“It feels hard because you love so deeply,” He said gently, “and that can seem like a burden when you see others in pain. You’re not meant to love away the pain. You’re meant to simply love. Do you see the difference? That’s who you are, each and every one of you. Stop complicating it. Let everything else rest in my hands.”

I want to protest that I don’t know how, but I feel peace wash over me, and the words fade from my mind.

“It might not feel easier,” He says. “But it does get better.”

Faith.

Want more words?

Read my books!

Available at www.montourscity.com and www.susandawnspiritual.com